Domestic violence can be more than just physical abuse. Domestic violence occurs when one partner controls the other using physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, gender or economic abuse. Take this Domestic Violence Quiz if you feel that you may be a victim of domestic violence.
Domestic violence victims are most likely to be attacked when they leave the abuser and/or when they seek legal help. The questions below will help you be more prepared to stay safe. You can print this and fill it out, or just use the questions to come up with your own written plan.
What is this plan for?
This is a plan for increasing your safety and preparing you in advance for violence that may happen in the future. You don't have control over your partner's violence, but you do have a choice about how to respond, and how best to get you and your loved ones to safety.
Important telephone numbers
Police: 911 and _______________________ (non-emergency)
Domestic Violence Program/Safe Home: _________________
District Attorney's Office: ______________________________
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Keep these numbers, along with spare change or a calling card, with you at all times for emergency phone calls.
How can I be safe during an assault?
You can't always avoid violence, but you can do a number of things to increase your safety during violent incidents.
Decide to do some or all of the following:
If I decide to leave, I can get out of the house by _____________________________. (Practice how to get out safely. What doors or windows will you use?)
I can go to _____________________. (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time.)
In order to be able to leave quickly, I can keep my purse or wallet and vehicle key ready by putting them ___________________________.
I can tell ___________________ (neighbors) about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from the house.
I can teach my children how to use the telephone or radio to contact the police and how to get help in an emergency.
I can use _________________ as my code word with my children and/or friends when I am in danger, so they will call for help.
When I think an argument is about to happen, I can try to move to ________________________, a space near an outside door that has no guns, knives, or other weapons. (Usually bathrooms, garages, and kitchen areas are dangerous places.)
I can use my judgment and instincts. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he or she wants to calm him or her down. I have to protect myself until I am out of danger.
I can avoid arguments that will trap me in spaces where there isn't an outside door.
I can call the police when it is safe, and I can get a protective order from the court.
How can I be safe when I leave my abuser?
Leaving must be done with a careful plan to increase safety. Abusers often strike back when they believe their partner is leaving the relationship.
Decide to do some or all of the following:
So I can leave quickly, I can leave money, an extra set of keys, extra clothing, and important documents with ______________.
I can keep a bag packed and ready to go in case I need to leave quickly.
I can open a savings account or apply for a credit card to increase my independence.
I can check with ____________ and ________________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.
The National Domestic Violence hotline number is (800) 799-SAFE (7233). By calling this free hotline, I can get the number of a shelter near me.
I can rehearse my escape plan and, if possible, practice it with my children.
I can get a cell phone and keep it with me at all times. (Many times, you can get emergency cell phones from your local domestic violence program.) I can give my cell phone number to people I know are safe.
I can prevent my email and internet activity from being discovered.
Other things I can do to increase my
independence. This is a checklist of what you may want to take with you if it is safe to do so:
Identification
Green card
Address book
Money
Credit cards
Medications
Social Security Cards
Keys (house/car/work)
Welfare identification
Driver's license/vehicle registration
Address book
Marriage certificates, birth certificates of children
Checkbook, ATM card, and other bank books
Work permit
School and vaccination records
Lease/house deed/title
Divorce papers
Copy of protective order
Passport
Pets (if you can)
Jewelry
Clothes
Photo album
Children's special blanket, doll, or stuffed animal
How can I be safe at my home?
There are many things that abuse victims can do to increase safety in their homes. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step:
I can tell ___________ that my partner no longer resides with me and they should call the police if they see my partner at my residence.
As soon as possible, I can change the locks on my doors and windows and get an apartment that is not on the first floor.
In my house, I can remove all sharp objects and weapons from sight.
I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.
I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.
I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second-floor windows.
I can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for my home.
I can place a phone in a room that locks from the inside (like a bedroom).
I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my house.
I can tell my children to not let the abuser in my home if he or she is not meant to be there.
I can have a signal with my neighbors to call the police if they hear banging on the floor or wall, or see a flashing front porch light.
In case my partner takes my children, I can teach them how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and __________. (Friend/advocate/minister/other)
I can tell people who take care of my children which people have my permission to pick up my children, and that my partner does not have permission. The people I will tell this are:
School: _______________
Day care: _________________
Babysitter: ________________
Teacher: _________________
Others: __________________
How can I protect my emotional health?
The experience of being battered and talked down to by an abuser is exhausting and emotionally draining.
The process of building a new life for yourself takes much courage and lots of energy. To conserve your emotional energy and to avoid hard emotional times, decide to do some of the following:
If I feel down and ready to return to a potentially abusive situation, I can _________________________________.
When I have a talk with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ______________________________.
I can use "I can" statements with myself and be assertive with others.
I can tell myself _________________________________ whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.
I can read ______________________ to help me feel stronger.
I can call ________________, ____________________, and ______________ who will support me.
I can have __________________ call me every day at a set time to check on me.
I can attend workshops and support groups and the domestic violence program or ___________________ to gain support and strengthen my relationships with other people.
Other things I can do to help me feel stronger are _________________________________.